Nobody likes stress. Whether it's a blow that lands when you don't expect it, the wear-and-tear we feel when the boss is in a bad mood or even just a cloudy day when we were hoping for sunshine, it grinds at our vitality.
Stress really isn't in what happens, but in how we react to it. This gives us a good way to beat it. If we know our stress triggers and prepare as best we can, we can stand up to stress before it gets to us. As Hamlet says, "The readiness is all" -- so, as winter keeps us pretty holed up inside, let's be on the lookout for these five likely stress triggers.
1. Finances: Stress typically mounts in the winter months. Even if you aren't faced with escalating mortgage payments, a disappointing paycheck or a failed investment, bills go up with the cold. If you haven't already, put aside a special reserve of cash now to help weather unforeseen emergencies later. That way, if a surprise sneaks up, you'll be less jolted and less stressed.
2. Health: Stress expert Dr. Hans Selye says each stressful reaction to an event is equivalent to 100th of a heart attack. Say we are in a relationship in which we grate against our partner all day long -- no one gets outright angry, but the underlying, underground disharmony continually wreaks inner havoc. Or it may be at our job, where we hold our opinions to ourselves in very adverse conditions.
Instead of letting stress build up in these tense situations, take a fearless inventory of all the things that bother you often. Try free writing for a few days, and you'll uncover stress triggers that will surely come up. Write down how you would most wish to respond to them -- and don't hold back. This will prepare you and lessen any stress.
3. Family: Personal discord is a prime cause of stress. As the weather stays cold, we're in closer proximity with each other than we may be used to. Arguments require a shorter fuse to ignite. You can avoid this victimizing pattern, though; even in the cold, nature has a support that can help sustain us.
Beat the stress by taking a breather with walks, runs or jogs anytime you can -- any vigorous movement of the body that gets you away from closed-in conditions. When you return, the mounting frustration will be cut off and the good side of your family will loom large.
4. Weather: When it pours like it's never going to stop, or you get snowed in or battered by harsh winds, you feel the primordial stress of worry for personal survival. Even if it isn't a Katrina-style emergency, but just sloppy and cold, be as ready as you can for the unpredictable.
In previous generations, people just spent more time "within themselves" in a darkness before electricity. I believe that a practice of daily meditation on positive feelings and truths will best heighten awareness and help protect you from adversity.
5. Loneliness: We may not be aware of it, but in most of us there is still the child that wants to be showered with gifts or compliments and bathed in human warmth. For those who feel alienated or are without a special someone, winter can be an especially painful time. That automatic closeness around the fire with family or friends just doesn't happen. Nothing can be as desperately alienating as feeling alone at a time when we want warmth and closeness.
Don't let yourself be a prisoner. If you can sing, join a choir that performs works for all seasons. Act in a play. Call up another person who may feel left out themselves. When you are there for someone else, you'll also be there for deep, unspoken needs within yourself. So this year, instead of leaving an opening for stress and personal friction, use this time of cold, rainy or snowy weather to beat stress -- you can find happiness within yourself and enrich the lives of those you love.
Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal is the author of The Path of Direct Awakening: Passages for Meditation. He is also the co-author of Eknath Easwaran's edition of The Dhammapada and the author of Keats and Zen. He has taught meditation and courses on Han Shan at UC Berkeley and San Francisco State University.
Dr. Stephen Ruppenthal
